Matbloodz Returns

The Neverlearning Story

2007-10-15T22:38:00.000+08:00

Just got back home. Been feeling lightheaded-woozy-nauseous since the night of Hari Raya. My mom calls it giddyness (wow so tts what giddyness feels like i mean all this while ive been getting MCs over fake giddyness and.. yeah that sounded stupid)I was thinking that i should get too much rest. naah probably medication.

Anyway yesterdays sleepless night was fruitful with the completion of my theatre studies essay of a critique of Happy Endings..What irony. What a relief. Hell it should pay off; i didnt go visiting on the 2nd day. Anyway... shite i still have not submitted my updated bibliography of my PS essay my tutor deemed as horrendous.. man that word is brutal lah. Nevertheless.

Eve of Hari Raya was very reflective for me.. and when I mean reflective I say it with a smirk on my face. Joyful was the feeling of pointless waiting and rereading Peculiar Chris again after awhile. That fairytale novel has no place for me and even clearly more so for him being in his possesion for months and yet only reading 25/225pages. even my yearbook has more pages than that. Enough matbloodz. Stupid Kenneth. So after storming in the storm, reached home just in time for my last break fast of the year.

Hari Raya this year was somewhat... subdued. There was a lack of joy and celebration from both sides of the family as respective families grapple with family politics dynamically different but nonetheless stereotypical of malay families. I didnt bother much about not getting $$.. age creeping to me as people assume i'm already working, which is alright. I do hope my new dear cousin-in-law is getting integrated to the Ngahtemin clan, hoping that she takes a pinch of salt over what some of my tactless, insensitive and shallow aunties may say. On the other hand, I'm mildly surprised my sis got $ from that goodfornothing "simpsons" family (i didnt but who cares) after like what... since 1999? i bet this has absolutely NOTHING to do with the fact that homer simpson is going to Hajj and again, using the "prawn behind the rock rule", i give so that i can take. People. They never learn.

Like how the phrase "dear malay friend" is but a mockery in my ears. And no I never really wanted a fur coat when i was out in the cold. I battered it myself. You were merely "one of the crowd" to whom i lived to tell the tale, sadly falling on deaf ears. Busy Busy with Business Businesses eh? Now thats an excellent tongue twister. Say that many times then. Not once, nor twice, nor 4 times over four years..? Or how about on monday mornings and thursday afternoons or friday metamorphosis evenings over "would you like a drink?"
"Yes please. And throw in a straw with a bitten end."
Mild gasps for sounding like you.
Guilt falls deaf in ears of mine. That 5letter 'S' word: whatever is it for again? Nonchalance is key. Possibly possibly possibly, the part i'm missing. My life. no wowwies man, I've got it right here, yes sir, in the pompous superior commisioned sense. A rooftop over my head now.

And to my dearest darling, hope you enjoyed the company of goodfriends (she whoistheultimateminahatfirstglance and hewholaughstoomuchtooloud) and mine after tonight at your humble abode. Of good food, good hospitality, good dressing, and weird feelingyourparentsarestillscrutinisingme.

The Day I Lost My Laptop. Overnight.

2007-10-11T19:55:00.000+08:00

Yep. The title says it all. And I ONLY realised it an hour after I got home yesterday. So much for placing Rahsia Perkahwinan on top priority, big deal your starstrucked idol only gave a one line cameo appearance as usual.. So anyway.. I realised my laptop went missing after wanting to play THIS SONG online (my home computer's deaf.)That's also how bad the condition of my room is.

Yes.. sounds familiar? yeah oh well.
so began my anxiety attack and dashed back to Banquet harbourfront at 10.30pm at night (where I bought chicken rice from) only to find all the stalls closed.. I went to the toilet i previously visited and again no sign, only to inform the security and that fella said he didn't find any. Yeah you could imagine how i felt there and then last night.. as i was all too tempted to take 145 to Buona Vista interchange (to backtrack my steps)just to make sure it was there. yeah crazy i know My nap was short as i woke up at 4.30 to sneak out of the house and travel to Buona Vista Bus Interchange. And guess what?

My Laptop Isn't there Either.

So I depressingly made my way back home, slept a little longer (with weirder and more surreal dreams that came attached along with it), skipping theatre studies and polsci lectures. Things that ran in my mind was: police report.. call toa payoh-buona vista interchanges for updates.. travel to harbourfront again.. think of taking up a new laptop loan against my parents knowledge.. inform NUS to keep a lookout for kind souls who would return back my laptop.. where the hell to work to fund my laptop.. throat swollen by anxiety (still is actually)..

Hence the reason why you should never lose your laptop. Even if it was for less than 12hours. You can do this by: carrying a bigger bag or a haversack to contain that damn thing in, refraining from holding it in your hand like a fashion accessory, hugging it close to you, and thinking twice about buying food for your family if you are shorthanded (in an i-got-no-more-hands-to-carry-anymore-things way)

So before i came to school for my theatre practicals, I took a trip down to Banquet Harbourfront and went to enquire again. Tadaa. After a couple of *sniff sniff*thankyou*crymothercryfather* later.. I went away, reunited with my $2500 paininmyassbutneverthelessusefulaid. Ive learnt my lesson. Hopefully.

Like my mother always say "If it hasn't been attached/dangling to your body it would have been gone by now" yes we all know what she's talking about. Maybe i'll use Shai's suggestion to wear velcro t-shirts and attach items on it in the future. harhar.

So i wanted to tell all this to some fella but as it turns out, he was too busy napping in his van in the middle of a hot afternoon.. and i thought the library where he was at was more comfortable. hmm.

Nevertheless in spite of my stupidity you made my ordeal a lot less harrowing. Mesa loves yousa lots and lots.

Ok Political Science Essay deadline is tomorrow. Gone F***.

Grunt

2007-09-04T00:13:00.000+08:00

Frustration. Over many things.
I. Am. SO. F***Ass. Tired. Now.

Today's a bad day. And no. Don't post any comment on this one. I mean it.

Five Stars Arising...

2007-08-10T10:37:00.000+08:00

Happy Belated National Day!

Yesterday went well, what with the last minute meet-ups with me Bronco peeps. It's been a while since I met up with them as I haven't seen Jon, Zai, Pat and Stephen since my birthday.. Hell I really missed them. Typically I was late, wondering where the hell in Raffles City could they be. The whole place was flooded with badly dressed Mats. Fortunately, those 4 guys aren't, hence ain't too difficult to spot them.

"Can I have 5 of those?" I pointed to those star-torch thingamagiks from the parade, to which the fella readily handed it to me. Grinning, I handed out one to each of them, "Nah, one for each of ya."

"Dude! WTF do you have to take so many for?!" Err.... Free what.

We proceeded somewhere some-al fresco-place to sit, eat and drink and be merry. There was much fun peach laughter and joy, with the 3 of us old birds aka Jon Zai and I reminicing our days as PS while we tuned in to the latest updates on the goings on at Bronco. There's a new idiotic CSM, PC 2 and 3 currently away, and Pat and Justin being the new PS. Sigh, Justin, Justin, if only you'd came as well...

Zai with all his meekness parted some eyebrow-raising news, some of which about Chong (saw him around in school fortunately!) and some about himself. It was shocking yet hilarious, especially with the comic relief when I blurted out something I should'nt have said. Haha no, it was definitely not the drinks talking my dear Jon.

We went home later than expected, for after paying for the meals and taking snapshots we ran into a situation. Walking out, Pat asked Zai if he was holding on to his wallet. We stopped at our tracks, then moved on, with Steph going "Phew, I thought they were just kidding"

"I don't think they are man.." we unexpectedly made a U-turn back to the place, searching the area, the toilets... everywhere. Damn, it really sucked to have your wallet gone missing; I should know, I lost them merely weeks ago..

Without thinking, I gave Pat my ATM card for his journey back home. To some you may think Ive done something really stupid, but hey, to empathise at someone with great distress; that's karma. I won't justify what I've done further; naah I trust Patrick. I'll see him again tomorrow, during Rag Day. Finally, an NUS event I'm finally going for.

Few days back, me matey and I bought books for school! To our disappointment, we realised that our course packs will only be available next week. Urrgh. Just when we are all enthusiastic on academics.. Oh wellz.

Dizzy

2007-08-06T23:40:00.000+08:00

My head's spinning.

Worrying about payments to the University can be such a pain, especially when the instructions aren't comprehensive enough, or the vagueness of "We'll get back to you" starts eating you up. Who knows I may end up paying the full tuition fees if:

Something screws up during the GIRO form processing
Something screws up during the CPF deduction processing
Something screws up during the Tuition Grant processing.

The woes of a mature young adult.

Add to the whole "Oh dearest wallet-with-my-precious-ic-and-other-blah-things, wherefore art thou?"

How about griping with regards to your modules? Ever realised how difficult they may be? Or how much you worry you won't be able to score for them? Yikes. You can give 2years of National Service as an excuse to your current stupidity but when will enlightenment start? Oh well, I guess that's something else to worry about eh?

Things have been pretty stagnant lately, in short, extremely uneventful. Today was no exception. Dance practice was cancelled (Thanx Ms Pres, for the last minute info), I didn't attend the Freshmen Inauguration Ceremony NOR the orientation 0week due to lack of information (they should have sent an emai/snailmail/whatever). Running around the whole campus was yet again, postponed, as sure as the weekly runs that you originally planned *smirks*. Research at the library wasn't as productive either, as we adjourned to big Vivo for lunch. Jem bought a stunning tie and shirt from G2000. Nice and purple! Made a quick dash to CPF building to submit some forms before reaching home and dozing off.

Making a point to attend Rag Day this Saturday. As well as the welcome teas by the various CCAs. At least theres something to look forward in this nationalistic week of celebrations. Also, to lose some weight. Fat f**k.

Five Wishes.. What would they be?

2007-08-04T09:16:00.000+08:00

Hah. None of those dumb Hi-Five songs that you repetitvely hear if you watch Kids' Central... Which I don't.

My bidding for subjects worked flawlessly, as they've allocated ALL the five that I wanted. I could barely hear my mom screeching "Oei kenaper bising sangat? Orang bawah nanti naik!" (Why so noisy? Below neighbours will come upstairs to complain!") as i jumped for joy. Like as though they got nothing to do at midnight. Me homey and matey were the bearers of good news; they helped check for me. Don't ask what's wrong with my computer, it's the weekly "there she goes again". Uh huh.

Here are my subject modules for this semester. I'll be exposed to:

Communications and New Media
Theatre Studies
Political Science
Sociology
Malay Studies

Woot! All 5 modules from my Programme Account! TS and MS will be used to fufill my Faculty requirements. I hope to major in CnM or PolSci depending on my results. Darn I should've bid for Psych instead of Socio but nevertheless interesting term ahead. All this wouldn't be made possible if I hadn't done the extensive research of finding the market demand for the modules. Whoever said bidding was a chore? I'm glad matey got his modules too, especially his Japanese Studies (urrgh).

Light Dinner at Essential Brew yest was great, as were the tiger prawns and calamari rings. She and I were both cruising around Holland Village when we saw this new ice-cream place I-forgot-what-it's-called. Hope to check that out again soon.

Good morning Saturday. Time to work out my tutorial timetables again. Sigh, the life of an undergrad.

Jangan Pandang Belakang

2007-08-01T22:24:00.000+08:00

To my horror, I saw a boy waving gleefully at me, ecstatic to find me amidst the crowd. This was no ordinary boy; I know him. He began whispering excitedly to his parents and his little brother, pointing at me. I smiled. What I did next was unthinkable. I pulled her away and told her, "Come, walk straight, don't look back".

"why?"

"Because...."

***

Three Revelations, all shocking. Today, on the third week of school. All three aroused anxiety basically. Fear too. For fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, and hate leads to the dark side. Naah i won't succumb too easily. In order of merit, the first being not so severe.. here we go.

First Revelation:
That cors bidding opens tommorrow morning at night is giving the whole of Arts Faculty the jitters. I myself may have overlooked certain things and is scrambling to think of Plan B. To think that the original plan may have worked flawlessly. Sigh. Taking out a module from my choice is a headache; to reconsider taking another module to replace it is another. Why bother you may ask. Long story but to keep it short, all my modules Ive chosen are high in demand. Needs more bid points than a measly 600. Period.

Hence the Herculean task to analyse the stock market tomorrow while looking at the historical trends; which modules did not fufill the student quota (hence equates to 1bid point). Also to note on the amount of bid points students place for Psych, PolSci and NewMedia. I want in. Frankly, I'm anxious.

Second Revelation:
No I do not owe Reeza or Malay Dance anything. It's this inert passion for me to want to find the rhythm in me, and moving to the artistical beat. That, in addition to get myself in tune with my culture. I tell you, once you start Dance you'll never be able to concentrate. And once your grades flunk only then will you realise? You are just like your father, never learn. People tell you things you don't wanna listen. No, Mother, I learn. I'll take this merely as a hobby, not for serious popularity pursuits. But what's the point? It won't put food on the table. Hello, economic value?? Uh huh. Like I said, it's a hobby, as neither will your Sudoku or Yoga. And no I wont be joining Student Union just for that, to relive my glory days that come with academic failure.

So Ilsa Tari welcomes me, rather curtly I guess. Though they may not really like me they still need me, and I smirk to the irony of that. My first dance practice (after a few years) starts next Monday, though Tea Session is on Wednesday. Dance, and dance I will, slightly relieved that I wont be the only male dancing. Enter Omar, a former SJI chap well aquainted with matey and other.. Josephians. I've heard quite alot about him, and he's a nice guy. Oh well, the event is in less than six weeks. And frankly, I'm anxious.

Third Revelation:
This one's left me stunned. well on to the story:

"Because darling, he knows me. And he'll be looking forward to seeing me again. I won't want to disappoint him when he'll realise sooner or later that he'll never be able to see me again. Let's move on dear, don't look back."

"Goodbye Afif," I whispered. Afif. Yes, that's his name, I remember it well. "Study hard, and take care of yourself."

I've lost too many things lately. And frankly, I'm anxious.

Of Mice and Men

2007-07-31T20:59:00.000+08:00

I guess I'm really getting the hang of this blogging mood. No, no one died and gave me the blogging bug

Got Amir the Weasel to survey my blog. ok sorry so I'm evil-no-surprises-there but hey I like your blue braces. Serious. Surprisingly he found it nice, considering he tends to be blatantly harsh in his critisism.

So began our usual but rare conversations online. This was after I met him earlier on in the day to sit in with him in the opening speeches and such. And yes was he ever so animated in coveying his thoughts and feelings about taking his first module with noobes like me gawking to his every word. Oh, Daryl David the guest speaker made a really great speech..... in spite of being a has-been. Shut up matbloodz. What? He said, "Even if theres a cure for cancer, people will still know me from the host in The Pyramid Game." totally nailed it man.

Anyway, I couldn't help but to bring up my verbal diarrhoea regarding certain guys I encounted to him. In short, I was commenting on how there were terribly poseurish peeps in existence, especially when they were the only smartasses in the whole LT with a laptop typing away during the lectures in mock interest- No need for jealousy I have one too-when the majority of the peeps behind them knows that they're on MSN.

I mean, I get that the guys are as enthusiastic as me. I should know, they're the only other people I've ever heard of (besides me) who plans their timetable weeks in advance and prints out every bits of info of a Freshman. But theres a very fine line with being enthusiastically prepared and showing off! I don't hate them, God knows we may have things in common. On the contrary I think I really want to get myself acquainted to them. To which Amir replied "that's why you shouldn't go around talking about people (too late i've blogged it) coz if they get to know you'll be in an awkward position (well hope they don't).. people all have alot in common la.. its just tt people CHOOSE to look at the differences instead"

Deep.

In IM: -
Amir: cmon la.. everyone human can get along with another, whether jock or nerd or whatever. its the universal human spirit.. cmon man ur in fass studying social sciences. (ooh real deep).
Me: Yes and the fact that you're one of my really good friends is testament to that. Im spankingly goodlooking while you're.... nice. =) (what? i like his blue braces. nice)
Amir: HAHA
Me: Ok.. so im spankingly goodlooking AND humourous.
Amir: rolls eyes.

Damn I'm good.

After all the epiphany I'm getting, still. You can't help recoiling in disgust when some girls in the LT wore hipsters so low they had hideous cleavage in unmentionable places. Or you can't help telling your best friend "Oh God look! (points!) You can spot a geek a mile away" as the poor fella trudges awkwardly down the LT steps at the other end of the room to find his seat. Or when some fat Ah-Lian-looking girl literally stomped down the steps finding her seat you audibly said "Damn. When she walks the ground shakes".

Guilty as charged.

On a lighter note, matey and I had lunch with the big yellow taxi aka Xavier, who seriously needs to clean his cheesecake-attacked bag. Poor fellow. Also I bumped into Haresh on the way to McDonalds at Engin Blk. Only he could get me stunned after calling my full name from behind. Met up with me placer friend, who still hasn't matriculated yet. We bitched, had dinner (or rather he), before sending me home in his new car, still bitching. I love new car smell.

On The Contrary

2007-07-31T17:50:00.000+08:00

So have you gone for any camps lately? I'm sure you have!
On the contrary, no.

Gone were the days where I was ecstatically enthusiastic in joining school activities "for the general good" or "for the spirit of fun and excitement and school spirit" Re: NJC. It sure is fun to indulge in unrated enjoyments of the soul in active participation and stuff. Better still if it's the A Levels when results are being released and you get like what, 4 As and couple of distinctions; I didn't.

So I'm now succumbing on prioritising my options, layman-wise to 'wake up my f***ing idea'. To settle down get to some studying. To make sure that none of my modules fall below a B. Again, on the other hand, I wouldn't want to be a hermit mugger either. Exploit tea sessions! I guess tea sessions won't hurt, not when I get to meet loadsa peeps ala networking sessions. What better way to promote Kayos Designs. Gee might as well go for those lame camps right.. Well at least I won't be made to do stupid things like what normal camps do.

Do other enriching stuff! hmm.. we'll see about that. Coz at the moment i'm not really thrilled. And probably never will. Have I gotten off university at a bad start? Where's the enthusiasm, the exuberance, the spark of all things? oh well.

On the contrary, the satisfaction lies in getting the modules I want, instead of settling for 2nd choice. To have a great timetable meticulously planned by me manifested by itself. Once that falls in place, to have a hell of time pouring through books, savouring every bit of info, and crafting a well written academic essay worthy of an A Grade. If only Political Science isn't so boring.. Psychology! *drools*... CnM paired with Business.. DAMN matbloodz you're spoiled for choice. Well at least you've narrowed things down. Somewhat.

To quote Maly, We are our own choices! Up till now Im still pondering whatever the hell is wrong with that sentence. *shrugs*

First Day Anticlimax

2007-07-30T23:53:00.000+08:00

Couldn't get any sleep at all. Annoying. What with tossing and turning and counting sheep of all shapes and sizes. Gave up after stopping at 682.

Found it really pointless to lug my laptop around especially when it doesn't really serve any purpose than to impress people that you have already bought one much earlier. Which is again heartwrenching discovering that the computer centres have much more enticing deals concerning Thinkpad laptops. Nevermind.

Got onto the wrong queue where matey ended up matriculating half an hour earlier than me, to cut the story short. To make things worse, the queue number system malfunctioned and I had to wait EVEN longer to matriculate, as things were done manually. Thank God I had some semblance of patience.

Met many many familiar faces; to rant; Ivan, John Khoo, Sunni, Alywin, Zheng Yu, Yanxi, some ACpeeps God knows their names, JunLin, Jerry, Hanxing, Yujie etc. They-who-matriculate-this-year. Great to see Haireez, Maly, Reeza, Johannes, Kelvin Seet, Lt. Azfar the resident undergrads again.

Nevertheless the highlights were freebies from the matriculation fair! Yes sir yes sir three bags full. Maxim and Newman and vouchers oh my! Nothing beats being mobbed my random people everytime you try taking 3steps. Better still, if they have freebies to give away. Oooo.. DBS Debit Card, here I come...

So that's that. My first day of school. Pretty uneventful eh. Tommorrow's a better day I guess. I mean today; past midnight already. I'd better think of better things to wear. I mean, my green tshirt and jeans gettup was alright, but so were the hundreds of others who wore tshirt and jeans too. Naah but I still wont wear sleeveless yet. I've laughed at too many who wore them in school today. Hasan was right.. They should get ready a jacket should they ever get laughed at. Better still a paper bag.

Yawn. Good I'm finally dozing off..

Fanfare

2007-07-30T00:26:00.000+08:00

Smile, and the whole world smiles with you.

To my dear kayotiq darling, I'm sorry I've been a terrible person lately. Things haven't been working around to my advantage at all, and you've been at target range of verbal attacks and awkward silences. Yet, you're still 'standing by me'. I thank you for that, and loving you all the same. *Nauseating suffocating hug*. Smile, because not only you have me, but also a 2.5+kg worth of colour pencils coming your way from God-knows-which-country from your ever so sweet newfound graffiti friend. *hehehik*

Looking back at 2007 as of now, thoughts come flooding since the events of Day 1. Maybe i'll blog these events as figments of my memory soon. People come and go. Or do they? Never. For they will forever have a place in my thoughts and hearts. Blessed I am to have friends that care and most importantly, a long-lasting relationship.

Nevertheless today's a new day. Another step, another phase in my life, just like the first day in kindergarten where I remembered bawling for dad, or first day of primary school where the whole class was so quiet. Or the first day in ACS(I) where things were pompously grand, or the first day in NJ where I arrived early flanked by my close peeps. I was sent off by my dad and me matey (he who sent a surprise package as well) to Tekong, a harrowing experience.

I remember first days very well. Today will be no exception. A new chapter. Anxiously anticipating, an alien environment, yet comfortingly familiar. I'll be flanked by close peeps yet again, though not necessarily the same ones few years back but still. Deja vu all over again.

Now what should I wear? They say you'll stand out in NUS if you actually put in effort in your grooming. Tsk Tsk. Those muggers.

Matbloodz. The Narcissist.

Misery, Thy Name is Weather

2007-07-29T00:06:00.000+08:00

The weather's been miserable lately. I'd have thoroughly enjoyed it if i wasn't so miserable myself. What with me hacking and sniffing away, I wondered WHY I didn't listen to Rihanna on my way home as 'raindrops keep falling on my head' a few days back. urrgh. ella ella eh eh eh..

That and the loss or misplacement of 'all the small things'. I've yet to come to terms with my items being missing. They say you only value the things that you have only when they're gone. Ah, the misery. The cold cold.

Also, I've seriously outstupid myself again by splurging on things I don't really need for my laptop, rendering me rather penniless till my next pay on National Day's eve. Way to go matbloodz, now all you need is the usual critisism from your matey to make you feel dumber than you already are. Seriously, I've got to stop this bad habit of using up my reserves once it's replenished. *Makes a mental note*

Mood was temporarily ruined when I was out with me homey yest. Bumped into Hanif and his band of geeks and called out to him. Thrice. Loudly. With the help of one of his geekmates who came over to say hi to Bryan. So the bitch ignored me, I guess he's way to cool for me hah. raise eyebrows. Just he wait while I see him a few days time. *evil smirk*

Nevertheless, you. Yes you. Thanks for caring. I appreciate every minute of it.

Verbobophobia

2007-07-26T23:23:00.000+08:00

No, nothing to do with Bobo the very funny clown.

Rather, my fear of verbosity marring my speech or blog enty. All is fine. For now.

Anti-cipation=Anti-climax?

2007-07-26T22:32:00.000+08:00

Matriculation draws near. Therein lies a speck of euphoria of knowing that I've arrived somewhere, that the long arduous journey of adolescence landed me here, in NUS. Nevertheless I continue to marvel at the institution deeply rooted in tradition. On how the buildings looked and smelled so ancient, yet its insides possess a complex modernity of undergraduate life. Students from all walks, yet looking so studious, and the many few who discernably lack fashion sense. I guess it must be my shallow persona talking again, guffawing at those who are geekily repulsive. Shut up Matbloodz you're no better.

Nevertheless the nagging feeling of Anticlimax rears his ugly head. Will it be the same in NJ, where I'll lose whatever spark there is when things come full swing? Hopefully not, for I've learnt to perserve and endured; being a Bronco Coy Platoon Sergeant under the iron-clad rule of John Selvamani is testament to that.

Time to start anew. To focus without distraction, unless distraction comes with a monetary value to my advantage a.k.a work.

Sidetraking things a bit, the year 2007 is a year full of anticipation; of ORD, of freedom, of turning 21 and attending birthdays of such nature, of Budi's Wedding, of Happy Endings/Perculiar Chris, of Harry Potter and the Overcrazed Hype of the Movie and the Last Installment, of matriculation, of earning enough to fund my driving licence quest yes i still can't drive. The list goes on. Still griping to whether all those turned out well, I daresay it couldn't be better.

Eagerly anticipating matriculation, equipped with my trusty laptop, a few documents, my entertainment medium in the form of my iPod + PSP, new clothes and old friends (the best there are).

All of those sans my wallet. Somebody, please find it. I beg of you.

Compulsion

2007-07-26T21:32:00.000+08:00

com·pul·sion

1. the act of compelling; constraint; coercion.
2. the state or condition of being compelled.
3. Psychology. a strong, usually irresistible impulse to perform an act, esp. one that is irrational or contrary to one's will.

The Return to Writing has never been so alluring, so captivating as a forceful force propels me forward to type word for word. I'm back. Writing again. Something I should've continued years before but was afraid to. For many reasons unspeakable. Renew, Refresh, Reconsidered.

Four Years On. 21. As I meticulously generate literature from my mould-infested brain, a tiny irrational voice screeched "start NOW! Or forever be ridiculed by your loved ones as a bumbling fool irrational and incoherent, spurting sense only when challenged."

It is such a wonder how my blank blog still survives to this day. To this uneventful and insignificant day, where I pick up the remains, fashion it and continue propping it up like a glass display. Aged, yet still cold.

As I continued pondering on my next word, the floodgates holding my thoughts seemed to slack. yes yes relack one corner. I have this urge to spill everything, on past events, on whoever and whatever I could muster. But no, that would be all too easy. Maturity is Key.

After all, im 21. "The change will do me good, And it will." This was echoed elsewhere, elsewhen.

I'll Try.