The Neverlearning Story

Just got back home. Been feeling lightheaded-woozy-nauseous since the night of Hari Raya. My mom calls it giddyness (wow so tts what giddyness feels like i mean all this while ive been getting MCs over fake giddyness and.. yeah that sounded stupid)I was thinking that i should get too much rest. naah probably medication.

Anyway yesterdays sleepless night was fruitful with the completion of my theatre studies essay of a critique of Happy Endings..What irony. What a relief. Hell it should pay off; i didnt go visiting on the 2nd day. Anyway... shite i still have not submitted my updated bibliography of my PS essay my tutor deemed as horrendous.. man that word is brutal lah. Nevertheless.

Eve of Hari Raya was very reflective for me.. and when I mean reflective I say it with a smirk on my face. Joyful was the feeling of pointless waiting and rereading Peculiar Chris again after awhile. That fairytale novel has no place for me and even clearly more so for him being in his possesion for months and yet only reading 25/225pages. even my yearbook has more pages than that. Enough matbloodz. Stupid Kenneth. So after storming in the storm, reached home just in time for my last break fast of the year.

Hari Raya this year was somewhat... subdued. There was a lack of joy and celebration from both sides of the family as respective families grapple with family politics dynamically different but nonetheless stereotypical of malay families. I didnt bother much about not getting $$.. age creeping to me as people assume i'm already working, which is alright. I do hope my new dear cousin-in-law is getting integrated to the Ngahtemin clan, hoping that she takes a pinch of salt over what some of my tactless, insensitive and shallow aunties may say. On the other hand, I'm mildly surprised my sis got $ from that goodfornothing "simpsons" family (i didnt but who cares) after like what... since 1999? i bet this has absolutely NOTHING to do with the fact that homer simpson is going to Hajj and again, using the "prawn behind the rock rule", i give so that i can take. People. They never learn.

Like how the phrase "dear malay friend" is but a mockery in my ears. And no I never really wanted a fur coat when i was out in the cold. I battered it myself. You were merely "one of the crowd" to whom i lived to tell the tale, sadly falling on deaf ears. Busy Busy with Business Businesses eh? Now thats an excellent tongue twister. Say that many times then. Not once, nor twice, nor 4 times over four years..? Or how about on monday mornings and thursday afternoons or friday metamorphosis evenings over "would you like a drink?"
"Yes please. And throw in a straw with a bitten end."
Mild gasps for sounding like you.
Guilt falls deaf in ears of mine. That 5letter 'S' word: whatever is it for again? Nonchalance is key. Possibly possibly possibly, the part i'm missing. My life. no wowwies man, I've got it right here, yes sir, in the pompous superior commisioned sense. A rooftop over my head now.

And to my dearest darling, hope you enjoyed the company of goodfriends (she whoistheultimateminahatfirstglance and hewholaughstoomuchtooloud) and mine after tonight at your humble abode. Of good food, good hospitality, good dressing, and weird feelingyourparentsarestillscrutinisingme.

The Day I Lost My Laptop. Overnight.

Yep. The title says it all. And I ONLY realised it an hour after I got home yesterday. So much for placing Rahsia Perkahwinan on top priority, big deal your starstrucked idol only gave a one line cameo appearance as usual.. So anyway.. I realised my laptop went missing after wanting to play THIS SONG online (my home computer's deaf.)That's also how bad the condition of my room is.





Yes.. sounds familiar? yeah oh well.
so began my anxiety attack and dashed back to Banquet harbourfront at 10.30pm at night (where I bought chicken rice from) only to find all the stalls closed.. I went to the toilet i previously visited and again no sign, only to inform the security and that fella said he didn't find any. Yeah you could imagine how i felt there and then last night.. as i was all too tempted to take 145 to Buona Vista interchange (to backtrack my steps)just to make sure it was there. yeah crazy i know My nap was short as i woke up at 4.30 to sneak out of the house and travel to Buona Vista Bus Interchange. And guess what?

My Laptop Isn't there Either.

So I depressingly made my way back home, slept a little longer (with weirder and more surreal dreams that came attached along with it), skipping theatre studies and polsci lectures. Things that ran in my mind was: police report.. call toa payoh-buona vista interchanges for updates.. travel to harbourfront again.. think of taking up a new laptop loan against my parents knowledge.. inform NUS to keep a lookout for kind souls who would return back my laptop.. where the hell to work to fund my laptop.. throat swollen by anxiety (still is actually)..

Hence the reason why you should never lose your laptop. Even if it was for less than 12hours. You can do this by: carrying a bigger bag or a haversack to contain that damn thing in, refraining from holding it in your hand like a fashion accessory, hugging it close to you, and thinking twice about buying food for your family if you are shorthanded (in an i-got-no-more-hands-to-carry-anymore-things way)

So before i came to school for my theatre practicals, I took a trip down to Banquet Harbourfront and went to enquire again. Tadaa. After a couple of *sniff sniff*thankyou*crymothercryfather* later.. I went away, reunited with my $2500 paininmyassbutneverthelessusefulaid. Ive learnt my lesson. Hopefully.

Like my mother always say "If it hasn't been attached/dangling to your body it would have been gone by now" yes we all know what she's talking about. Maybe i'll use Shai's suggestion to wear velcro t-shirts and attach items on it in the future. harhar.

So i wanted to tell all this to some fella but as it turns out, he was too busy napping in his van in the middle of a hot afternoon.. and i thought the library where he was at was more comfortable. hmm.

Nevertheless in spite of my stupidity you made my ordeal a lot less harrowing. Mesa loves yousa lots and lots.

Ok Political Science Essay deadline is tomorrow. Gone F***.

*Grunt*

Frustration. Over many things.
I. Am. SO. F***Ass. Tired. Now.

Today's a bad day. And no. Don't post any comment on this one. I mean it.

Five Stars Arising...

Happy Belated National Day!

Yesterday went well, what with the last minute meet-ups with me Bronco peeps. It's been a while since I met up with them as I haven't seen Jon, Zai, Pat and Stephen since my birthday.. Hell I really missed them. Typically I was late, wondering where the hell in Raffles City could they be. The whole place was flooded with badly dressed Mats. Fortunately, those 4 guys aren't, hence ain't too difficult to spot them.

"Can I have 5 of those?" I pointed to those star-torch thingamagiks from the parade, to which the fella readily handed it to me. Grinning, I handed out one to each of them, "Nah, one for each of ya."

"Dude! WTF do you have to take so many for?!" Err.... Free what.

We proceeded somewhere some-al fresco-place to sit, eat and drink and be merry. There was much fun peach laughter and joy, with the 3 of us old birds aka Jon Zai and I reminicing our days as PS while we tuned in to the latest updates on the goings on at Bronco. There's a new idiotic CSM, PC 2 and 3 currently away, and Pat and Justin being the new PS. Sigh, Justin, Justin, if only you'd came as well...

Zai with all his meekness parted some eyebrow-raising news, some of which about Chong (saw him around in school fortunately!) and some about himself. It was shocking yet hilarious, especially with the comic relief when I blurted out something I should'nt have said. Haha no, it was definitely not the drinks talking my dear Jon.

We went home later than expected, for after paying for the meals and taking snapshots we ran into a situation. Walking out, Pat asked Zai if he was holding on to his wallet. We stopped at our tracks, then moved on, with Steph going "Phew, I thought they were just kidding"

"I don't think they are man.." we unexpectedly made a U-turn back to the place, searching the area, the toilets... everywhere. Damn, it really sucked to have your wallet gone missing; I should know, I lost them merely weeks ago..

Without thinking, I gave Pat my ATM card for his journey back home. To some you may think Ive done something really stupid, but hey, to empathise at someone with great distress; that's karma. I won't justify what I've done further; naah I trust Patrick. I'll see him again tomorrow, during Rag Day. Finally, an NUS event I'm finally going for.

Few days back, me matey and I bought books for school! To our disappointment, we realised that our course packs will only be available next week. Urrgh. Just when we are all enthusiastic on academics.. Oh wellz.

Dizzy

My head's spinning.

Worrying about payments to the University can be such a pain, especially when the instructions aren't comprehensive enough, or the vagueness of "We'll get back to you" starts eating you up. Who knows I may end up paying the full tuition fees if:

Something screws up during the GIRO form processing
Something screws up during the CPF deduction processing
Something screws up during the Tuition Grant processing.

The woes of a mature young adult.

Add to the whole "Oh dearest wallet-with-my-precious-ic-and-other-blah-things, wherefore art thou?"

How about griping with regards to your modules? Ever realised how difficult they may be? Or how much you worry you won't be able to score for them? Yikes. You can give 2years of National Service as an excuse to your current stupidity but when will enlightenment start? Oh well, I guess that's something else to worry about eh?

Things have been pretty stagnant lately, in short, extremely uneventful. Today was no exception. Dance practice was cancelled (Thanx Ms Pres, for the last minute info), I didn't attend the Freshmen Inauguration Ceremony NOR the orientation 0week due to lack of information (they should have sent an emai/snailmail/whatever). Running around the whole campus was yet again, postponed, as sure as the weekly runs that you originally planned *smirks*. Research at the library wasn't as productive either, as we adjourned to big Vivo for lunch. Jem bought a stunning tie and shirt from G2000. Nice and purple! Made a quick dash to CPF building to submit some forms before reaching home and dozing off.

Making a point to attend Rag Day this Saturday. As well as the welcome teas by the various CCAs. At least theres something to look forward in this nationalistic week of celebrations. Also, to lose some weight. Fat f**k.

Five Wishes.. What would they be?

Hah. None of those dumb Hi-Five songs that you repetitvely hear if you watch Kids' Central... Which I don't.

My bidding for subjects worked flawlessly, as they've allocated ALL the five that I wanted. I could barely hear my mom screeching "Oei kenaper bising sangat? Orang bawah nanti naik!" (Why so noisy? Below neighbours will come upstairs to complain!") as i jumped for joy. Like as though they got nothing to do at midnight. Me homey and matey were the bearers of good news; they helped check for me. Don't ask what's wrong with my computer, it's the weekly "there she goes again". Uh huh.

Here are my subject modules for this semester. I'll be exposed to:

Communications and New Media
Theatre Studies
Political Science
Sociology
Malay Studies

Woot! All 5 modules from my Programme Account! TS and MS will be used to fufill my Faculty requirements. I hope to major in CnM or PolSci depending on my results. Darn I should've bid for Psych instead of Socio but nevertheless interesting term ahead. All this wouldn't be made possible if I hadn't done the extensive research of finding the market demand for the modules. Whoever said bidding was a chore? I'm glad matey got his modules too, especially his Japanese Studies (urrgh).

Light Dinner at Essential Brew yest was great, as were the tiger prawns and calamari rings. She and I were both cruising around Holland Village when we saw this new ice-cream place I-forgot-what-it's-called. Hope to check that out again soon.

Good morning Saturday. Time to work out my tutorial timetables again. Sigh, the life of an undergrad.

Jangan Pandang Belakang

To my horror, I saw a boy waving gleefully at me, ecstatic to find me amidst the crowd. This was no ordinary boy; I know him. He began whispering excitedly to his parents and his little brother, pointing at me. I smiled. What I did next was unthinkable. I pulled her away and told her, "Come, walk straight, don't look back".

"why?"

"Because...."

***

Three Revelations, all shocking. Today, on the third week of school. All three aroused anxiety basically. Fear too. For fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, and hate leads to the dark side. Naah i won't succumb too easily. In order of merit, the first being not so severe.. here we go.

First Revelation:
That cors bidding opens tommorrow morning at night is giving the whole of Arts Faculty the jitters. I myself may have overlooked certain things and is scrambling to think of Plan B. To think that the original plan may have worked flawlessly. Sigh. Taking out a module from my choice is a headache; to reconsider taking another module to replace it is another. Why bother you may ask. Long story but to keep it short, all my modules Ive chosen are high in demand. Needs more bid points than a measly 600. Period.

Hence the Herculean task to analyse the stock market tomorrow while looking at the historical trends; which modules did not fufill the student quota (hence equates to 1bid point). Also to note on the amount of bid points students place for Psych, PolSci and NewMedia. I want in. Frankly, I'm anxious.

Second Revelation:
No I do not owe Reeza or Malay Dance anything. It's this inert passion for me to want to find the rhythm in me, and moving to the artistical beat. That, in addition to get myself in tune with my culture. I tell you, once you start Dance you'll never be able to concentrate. And once your grades flunk only then will you realise? You are just like your father, never learn. People tell you things you don't wanna listen. No, Mother, I learn. I'll take this merely as a hobby, not for serious popularity pursuits. But what's the point? It won't put food on the table. Hello, economic value?? Uh huh. Like I said, it's a hobby, as neither will your Sudoku or Yoga. And no I wont be joining Student Union just for that, to relive my glory days that come with academic failure.

So Ilsa Tari welcomes me, rather curtly I guess. Though they may not really like me they still need me, and I smirk to the irony of that. My first dance practice (after a few years) starts next Monday, though Tea Session is on Wednesday. Dance, and dance I will, slightly relieved that I wont be the only male dancing. Enter Omar, a former SJI chap well aquainted with matey and other.. Josephians. I've heard quite alot about him, and he's a nice guy. Oh well, the event is in less than six weeks. And frankly, I'm anxious.

Third Revelation:
This one's left me stunned. well on to the story:

"Because darling, he knows me. And he'll be looking forward to seeing me again. I won't want to disappoint him when he'll realise sooner or later that he'll never be able to see me again. Let's move on dear, don't look back."

"Goodbye Afif," I whispered. Afif. Yes, that's his name, I remember it well. "Study hard, and take care of yourself."

I've lost too many things lately. And frankly, I'm anxious.